


A Taste of Sorrow

by meenza



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged up characters, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Friendship, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hinata can taste people's emotions, Kageyama is suicidal, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, M/M, Mental Illness, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural Elements, mental health, no romantization of suicide, teacher in training Hinata, writting about food
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28062450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meenza/pseuds/meenza
Summary: Hinata has the unique ability to taste the emotions within food. He can taste the emotional imprint any cook leaves behind.He learns an essential truth: nothing is more telling than food.Years later Hinata eats at Karasuno diner and feels such strong, overwhelming sorrow and self hatred that he knows he has to act.He sets out to find and befriend the cook (Kageyama) to stop him from ending his life at whatever cost. Can he gain his trust in time?___________Soft pasta met his eager tongue. Before his brain could process the texture of the creamy mushroom sauce, he found himself gasping with shock. The world seemed to blur around him as he was accosted with an overwhelming wave of dark, and suffocating emotions. The first wave was filled with pain, it flooded through his body and pooled within his heart. Wave after wave descended upon him and he found himself dizzy with despair, drowning in hopelessness, and weighed down with self hatred. His heart was pounding with suffocating thoughts of death and self inflicted pain, that wrapped around his throat in a noose of breathlessness.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 18
Kudos: 64





	A Taste of Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Heyoo  
> This fanfiction borrows the supernatural element of being able to taste emotions from the book The Particular Saddness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender. The book is very interesting and a good read if you are interested in checking it out.  
> I thought it would be cool to give that ability to Hinata.  
> Originally I considered giving it to Kageyama and having him seek out Hinata because his food gives him happiness but decided to do this instead.  
> I hope you all enjoy it :)

"Food is all those substances which can be assimilated or changed into life by digestion, and can thus repair the losses which the human body suffers through the art of living."

- _The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake_

  
  
  


Hinata Shoyo, age ten, was having the strangest day. It was an insignificant Tuesday afternoon, another drab, monotonous fall day. Hinata was particularly determined to get home early that day because he knew his mother was making his favorite dish; pork curry with a fried egg on top.He had been salivating at just the thought of the food all day. 

He practically ran up the mountain that housed his modest home, breathlessly making it through the front gate. He burst through the door, relieved of the cold autumn air, threw his bag and shoes in the closet and hurled himself towards the aroma wafting from the kitchen.

His mom met him with a gentle smile and quick hug, ushering him towards the sink to wash his hands as he began his usual chatter about his day. She was used to her son's loud and brash personality and loved him all the more for it. She set down her spatula and put together a plate of steaming curry, with crispy meat on top, topped off with a perfectly shaped egg. With a rushed thank you and kiss to his mom's check, Hinata plunged into a chair and dug into the food with a large bite.

Little did Hinata know that with that singular bite his world would be forever changed. 

Hinata had always found immense joy in the act of eating. He had a voracious appetite despite his small stature and was a comically loud and emotive eater. It was not unheard to find tears of happiness welling in his eyes as he savored a particularly scrumptious meal. His family found it endearing and often joked that all he ever had on his mind was food.

His mother found herself often watching him indulge blissfully. His youthful cheeks stuffed beyond capacity, as she reprimanded him for speaking with his mouth full.

Today she stood somewhat subdued drying dishes as her soft gaze lingered on her freckled boy’s face. She awaited the explosive exclamations of joy, hoping that it would help pacify the stress of their teetering family life that was on the brink of a messy divorce.

She noticed the large tears forming at the edges of her son’s long orange lashes, and assumed they were tears of indulgence.

However, as Hinata took another bite she was met with the peculiar sight of Hinata’s small lips turning down at the edges. Then to her surprise he spit the food out and promptly burst into a fit of distressed tears. She quickly rushed to his side, as he loudly began to wail, trying to comfort him and wipe away at the stream of tears and saliva that trailed down his freckled face. 

“What’s wrong Shoyo?” She cooed as she reached for some tissues. “Did you burn your tongue? Talk to me baby.” 

Minutes earlier Hinata had confidently taken his first bite and tasted emotions for the first time. His first reaction was to doubt his own tastebuds. He took another small bite just to make sure, and promptly spit out in disgust. He then did what anyone forced to experience middle aged existential dread would do; he burst into a loud fit of tears.

The bite he had taken was not filled with the delicious taste of crispy meat intermingling with aromatic curry, instead he was hit with a wave of heart aching loneliness, crushing feelings of guilt and sorrow for a family about to be ripped apart.

He could taste an inexplicable and overwhelming amount of despair in that singular bite.

His brain couldn’t comprehend how his favorite food could have betrayed him like this, how was he supposed to enjoy his food when he was plagued with such a deep sense of sorrow?

Hinata couldn’t seem to formulate the words for the surreal experience he was undergoing to his hovering mother.

She held his face in her hands, and brushed the tears from his eyes, pushing curly strands of hair away from his reddened face with curry stained fingers.

Hinata’s breathing was slowly stabilizing, his panic somewhat subsiding in his mothers arms. He struggled to speak chocking on lingering sobs, his mother tightening her hold on him.

Hinata finally looked up through moist lashes and a wobbly pout.

He spit out a singular nonsensical question: “Mama, Why does the food taste so sad?” His voice cracked as he continued to sob, “Why is it lonely? Mama, I don’t want it to be sad.”

His head buried itself back into his mothers chest not noticing the shocked look on his mothers face as she sat slack on the floor of the kitchen.

A whole week passed and Hinata was still unable to eat food without feeling an unbearable amount of emotion. He had discovered that not all the emotions were as sad as that first meal. Some were slightly lighter, filled with fond concern, or forcefully subdued anxiety. 

His mother tried making dish after dish, changing the ingredients, the recipes, how she cooked the food, to no avail.

Hinata could barely choke down a bite of the food before peering tearfully and apologetically at his mother, as she looked at him in bewilderment. 

His mother was rightfully confused and slightly hurt, but mostly worried about Hinata’s sudden emotional outbursts. 

Hinata constantly felt nauseous, exhausted and hungry, _so, so, so_ hungry.

He had grown uncomfortably familiar with grumbles and groans of his displeased stomach demanding food.

Eventually Hinata stopped eating anything but crackers and processed food which he claimed tasted hollow, empty, like cardboard he had explained as his mother in earnest.

The very next day she decided he needed professional help. 

She took him to doctor after doctor, who examined his taste buds, did brain scans, psychological tests, only to be told that he was most likely lashing out for attention because of stressful family environments, further plaguing his mother with guilt.

One doctor confidently told her that the emotions her son claimed to be tasting were his suppressed emotions that he didn’t know how to express. His mother resigned to letting Hinata grow out of this strange phase and acquiesced to his request of only eating processed food, which was the only thing that didn’t taste of strong emotions. 

Hinata quickly learned that no one seemed to taste the feelings in food like him, and that his classmates were starting to think he was weird when he talked about things like tasting saddness.

He was so tired and hungry, and lonely now that he couldn't talk to anyone about his struggles. The processed food he had started to live off of left him feeling just as hollow as its taste. He missed the days when food brought him immense joy.

Thus began Hinata Shoyo's lifelong struggle with the emotional uncertainty of his food.

________________________________________________________________________________

**Twelve Years Later**

Hinata Shoya made his way into the small family diner nestled in between a laundromat and a quaint barber shop. The front of the diner was painted a rusted red dotted with large white framed windows and a door that chimed as Hinata entered. He chose a small wooden table to the side to wait for Kenma to arrive, since he was characteristically late to their weekly lunch date. 

Someone less social than Hinata might have felt awkward waiting at restaurants by himself, but Hianta reveled in the time it gave him to observe those around him. Hinata had always been fascinated by people, that was only further fueled by uncanny ability to read the emotional imprints people left in food.

Over the last twelve years he had learned how to compartmentalize his emotions and suppress some of the feelings that exuded from the food he ate, allowing him to get a taste of the food that lay beneath. He was pretty proud of himself, after years of struggle, he was pretty successful in living a normal life.

He usually didn't get overwhelmed unless the person's emotions were so strong, they overtook his own. He had discovered that the stronger connection he had with the person, the more he could parse through the layers of emotions and understand the subtle motivations of the person through their cooking.

One would assume he would avoid eating out to avoid the chance of an unsavory emotion upsetting his dinner, but Hinata had decided that he had been given this ability for a reason and he certainly wasn’t going to waste his life only eating processed foods.

He had already spent the first couple of years after his ability manifested only eating pre packaged factory food. He wasn't eager to relive his state of misery and weight loss.

His mother had eventually interfered when his health deteriorated and told him she would teach him how to cook for himself. He had discovered that cooking for himself amplified his pre-existing emotions, so Hinata tended to cook when he was in a good mood and use it to uplift himself later.

Hinata glanced at his phone to catch up on any texts, finding none he sent Kenma a text asking him if he had to call Kuroo to make him hurry up.

Hinata had realized in the first couple of months since graduating college, that his ex college roommate had gone back into hibernation, only leaving when Hinata stomped in to drag him out into the world. Kenma was generally a pretty indifferent person that found it a waste of energy to put too much effort into anything he didn’t deem worthy.

He had deemed Shoyo worthy of his energy, although their relationship consisted mainly of Kenma putting up with Hinata’s endless chatter with small nods, as he gripped his console, occasionally stopping to answer Hinata’s question. Hinata was incredibly fond of Kenma, they shared a strong emotional bond fueled by their polar opposite personalities.

Hinata mindlessly tapped his leg against the floor, and decided to get a head start on his food selection. He was used to navigating life with this strange ability, but that didn’t mean he was reckless, he tended to overthink his food choices and would often analyze the atmosphere of the restaurants where he chose to eat beforehand. He had originally chosen this place because it was near Kenma’s apartment, but he had also heard that it had a nice vibe.

He had settled on getting some pasta when he heard the chime of the bell. A somewhat petite boy with sharp cat-like eyes and dyed blond hair with the black roots growing out made his way towards Hinata. He walked with a distracted air as he tapped something on his phone before taking his earphones out of his ears and glancing around the restaurant. 

“KENMA!” Hinata exclaimed with a large smile as he spotted the boy and waved him over, “I am so glad you came, I was getting worried that you were so far gone in a game you would forget what time it was.” He pouted slightly at the other boy as he sat down. “I wouldn’t forget to meet with you Shoyo. Plus I am starving.” Kenma said with a gentle look, as his eyes zeroed in on the menu on the table and began to read it through his curtain of shoulder length hair.

Hinata’s smile was quickly restored and he beamed back at Kenma, beginning his usual incessant chatter about his day. A couple minutes later a freckled man with green hair and a shy demeanor came to take their order, his name tag introduced him as Yamaguchi.

Hinata learned that Kenma had spent half the night live streaming, and asked him all sorts of questions about the games he played and his channel. Kenma gave him short pointed answers that were thoughtfully articulated in a low voice. Kenma was a man of few words but he was always willing to spare a few extra sentences for Shoyo.

Hinata knew that Kenma genuinely enjoyed spending time with him because he didn’t have the energy or desire to pretend.

They had been randomly assigned roommates but their relationship quickly became one of mutual understanding and deep friendship and affection that lived on beyond their college years. Hinata went out of his way to drag Kenma out to keep his reclusive tendencies at bay and Kenma in turn helped Hinata tame his recklessness, that often spelled trouble.

Hinata was interrupted mid sentence by the two steaming dishes Yamaguchi placed in front of them. Hinata looked at his food excitedly, all other thoughts discarded, as he unwrapped his silverware. He prepared his fork and knife to dig in with his tongue sticking out with anticipation and concentration.

Kenma watched the redhead with a mixture of concern and curiosity, “This is the first time you’ve been here?” It was less of a question and more of a statement “You sure you are going to like the food?” Kenma asked him with a meaningful tilt of his eyebrow.

Kenma was one of the few people Hinata entrusted with his unique ability, well one of the few people that actually believed him that is.

Kenma had wordlessly believed Hinata when he had nervously explained his brief melt down after eating chinese take out n their shared dorm room. He had taken his words at face value and with complete undoubting trust. Hinata had asked him if he thought Hinata was weird or crazy. Kenma had simply answered “No” and after a moment of staring each other in silence he simply handed Hinata a video game counsel and that was that.

“Gahh.. don’t worry about that Kenma! I’ve told you I’ve gotten so much better at sensing the taste beneath the emotion and this food looks delicious.” Kenma met him with a disbelieving look, he knew how emotional volatile the boy was sometimes. “As long as you don’t vomit on me again.” He said with a smirk of slight amusement.

“Ahh come on that was one time and you are never going to let me live it down. How was I supposed to know that the chief had just attended his fathers funeral when he made the food? That was a very special circumstance.” He complained as he stabbed his fork into a stray piece of pasta with relish and blowing away wisps of steaming air until he deemed the food edible.

Kenma only shook his head fondly in response digging into his own food. Soft pasta met his eager tongue and Hinata immediately regretted not taking Kenma’s words more seriously.

Before his brain could process the texture of the creamy mushroom sauce, he found himself gasping with shock. He seemed to lose control of his body as his fork clattered out of his hand and onto the floor. The world seemed to blur around him as he was accosted with an overwhelming wave of dark, suffocating, negative emotions.

The first wave that hit him was filled with pain, so much pain. It seared through his body and pooled within his aching heart.

The second wave brought electric stabs of crippling sorrow, crushing tsunami's of all consuming loneliness, and destructive tornados of raging anger that left nothing but emptiness in their wake.

Wave after wave descended upon Hinata and he found himself dizzy with despair, drowning in hopelessness, and weighed down with self hatred.

His head was full of demonic whispers begging for death and self inflicted pain, the voices wrapped themselves around his throat in a noose of breathlessness.

He was weighed down with so much torment that had seemingly seeped into his veins with the pain, extending its reach further and further with every gasping breath he took.

He wanted it to stop, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt so much. Please, please, please he found himself repeatedly begging to some higher power to just end it.

The voices only got louder burning through his mind, body and soul from the inside out. He wanted to rip into his skin until it gave way to his veins, rip himself apart until he found the voices and strangled them into silence.

He knew his body was shaking, unable to contain such strong foreign emotions unleashed from a single bite. He found himself struggling to breathe as bile rose in his throat. The world blurred around him, and he began to hyperventilate. He was stuck in this hellish pit, sinking down into its unreachable depths, enveloped in tar black darkness, suffering in silence.

He could hear Kenma calling out to him but his words seemed to get lost to the sound of his heavy breathing and the pounding of blood in his ears. Someone pulled his hands away from where they had been digging into his throat, they were talking to him in a gentle and soothing voice telling him to breathe in and out with them. He found his erratic breathing slowly returning to normal. His blurred vision slowly dissipating and he noticed that Kenma was crouched next to him.

His honey colored eyes were filled to the brim with concern, his usually inexpressive face twisted in fear. Hinata blinked a couple of times trying to clear his head. He had to calm down. He didn’t want to worry Kenma anymore than he had already. Hinata grounded himself through focusing on his breathing..in...out...in...out.. and slowly came back to his body.

He unfurled his fingers from where they clung to kenma’s arms in a shaky death grip, with an apologetic grimace. He brushed away the tears he hadn’t realized were tracking down his face. Kenma brought a glass of water to his lips, coaxing him into taking small sips.

The small sips quickly turned into large gulps, as Hinata took the glass and chugged the remainder in seconds in hopes of eradicating all traces of the poisonous emotions. Much to his distress the water barely masked the lingering taste burning on his tongue.

After a few more minutes of silent water drinking, deep breaths and Kenma’s studying gaze, Hinata felt well enough to speak.

He noticed a couple two tables down awkwardly staring at him with fearful concern. He pointedly ignored them, focusing back on Kenma who was patiently watching Hinata.

He wasn’t the type to bombard Hinata with questions despite the concern written in his furrowed brow and for that Hinata was immensely grateful. Hinata didn’t even know how to verbalize the emotions that had surged through him, leaving him wrecked after mere seconds of exposure.

He didn’t understand how a single human could contain such toxic emotions within their mind and survive...

Suddenly the enormity of that realization combined with the memory of the voices and destructive urges hit him full force.

He found himself leaping to his feet with a loud exclamation of fear and worry.

Kenma slowly rose to his feet, “What did you feel, Shoyo?” His voice was steady, masking his own panic, yet deadly serious, “What do you need me to do?” His unwavering and unquestioning support allowed Hinata to calm his thoughts and step back to think about his next step.

He swallowed, his throat feeling incredibly dry, his tongue lying heavy with dread, “We need to find the person who made this food,” he rasped out.

He let himself take a shaky breath, his hands clenching into tight fists at his sides, “and we need to stop them from killing themselves.”

His tear filled eyes met the flash of shock in Kenma's sharp golden eyes. Kenma took a second to compose himself before his face took on a calculating look with a nod of confirmation.

Hinata channeled all the determination he could muster into his voice looking down at his clenched fist,“I will stop them. No matter what.” I promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I am going to try to do weekly updates, if not more!


End file.
